Just A Second
by blacksouledbutterfly
Summary: A trip to the grocery store for his mother turns into a nightmare for Puck.


It's not uncommon that his mother leaves him a list of stuff she needs him to pick up for her at the store. It's not easy for her to raise both of them on her own so a lot of the time chores fall on him. He doesn't really mind it but that's just because he's used to it by then. He takes care of his sister a lot, too. He will drop her off at school in the morning or pick her up. Even though he's not the most studious guy he'll help his sister with her homework. He'll make dinner- usually macaroni and cheese since that's what he's the best at making as he's not really a cook- and he goes to the store all the time for his mother when she's either going to be working late or she's doubling up on her shifts. He's used to it.

It's only about a week after graduation and his mother is working another double shift. She's left a grocery list on the refrigerator and he knows that means he has to go to the store. But his sister is home for the summer so he has to keep on taking care of her until he gets the chance to actually go to the store. He wouldn't normally leave his sister home alone but she's old enough that if she's sleeping he can leave her alone for a little bit when he runs to the store. That's all there really is to it. Sarah is old enough to be alone for an hour or so. And if she really needs him? Well, she knows his cellphone number so she can just call him. He doubts she would need him though. Why would she?

So, he spends the afternoon watching his sister. He makes her hotdogs- all beef because his mother is obsessive about keeping the house kosher and it's the only way that they can have hotdogs in the house. He lets her sit and watch one of her stupid movies- he doesn't even pay attention to which one it is because he really doesn't care- and then he makes sure she goes to bed. It's not until she's in bed that he actually thinks about going to the store. He shouldn't be gone for long. Sarah will be fine.

He grabs the list, folds it up and sticks it in his pocket. The ride to the grocery store isn't very long and with it being as late at night as it is there's not many people there. Half a dozen or so which is pretty cool because that means he should really be able to get out of there a lot quicker than he thought originally. So he just grabs a basket and he makes his way through the store putting things from the list into it, keeps checking to make sure that he doesn't miss anything. She's not really one of those people that is very accepting when he forgets things. She's not a horrible person but she just gets anxious when things go wrong.

He's in the back to get ice cream for his sister- she always expects ice cream when he goes to the store- when he feels something change in the store. He's not quite sure what it is. He just feels something changing in the air but he tries to ignore it. It's got to be one of those stupid feelings he should just let go of. It's Lima and bad things don't happen in Lima so that bad feeling has to be wondering if his sister is burning down the house while he's at the store. And instead of worrying he makes his way towards the produce section. His mother is a stickler about having fruits and vegetables in the house- not that he actually eats them much. His sister does sometimes though just to make their mother happy.

He's checking the list again to be sure he's going to get the right stuff when he hears something. It sounds like a truck backfiring or a firework going off indoors. It makes him freeze in his tracks, his hand gripping the basket tighter. At first after that sound there's nothing but silence, silence and nothing more. But once that silence is over there's screaming. Really loud screaming, panicked, high-pitched. He drops the basket just as that firecracker sound goes off again.

He's not sure what makes him look around the shelf at the back of the produce department but he does. It's sort of like instinct. He looks around the shelf and at the meat area. A guy is slumped down on the floor. His chest is a bloody mess, there's blood pooling around on the floor, splattered against the plastic guard on the freezer. From what Puck can see he's not breathing but he can understand that with the way his chest is a mess. He doubts someone can live with that type of an injury.

The sound goes off again and he ducks behind the shelves back into the produce department. He's not an idiot. He knows by then what the sound is. He'd have to be a complete moron not to know. So he just ducks down behind one of the produce containers, ducks down and presses his back against the container, tries to keep his breathing as calm as he can. And that's no small order with someone coming into the store and shooting people. And either that person has to be a complete and total psycho or he's robbing the place which, well, who the fuck robs a grocery store in the middle of the night? It's too stupid to even comprehend and he's pretty good with stupid.

On the other side of the produce department he can hear someone crying. It's the type of crying he knows is really not a man's cry. And yeah, he knows that men cry. Men can try when they have a reason to and this is a good reason. But he's not the crying type. He looks around the container and sees a woman there on the ground, her pack pressed against one of the containers. She's older than him, in her thirties maybe and she's shaking all over, her chest heaving. And he's trying to get her attention but she's not looking in his direction.

Reaching up he grabs an apple from one of the containers and he rolls it across the floor. It hits her leg and she sort of jumps, lets out a sort of choking sob, her head snapping in his direction. Lifting up one hand he presses a finger against her lips to try to tell her to be quiet. She has to be quiet. If she makes too much noise then whoever is shooting up the place is going to hear her. But it seems like that's not going to help because he hears footsteps heading in their direction.

He shifts behind the container again, presses his back more firmly against it. The woman starts sobbing louder and he can dimly hear the sound of the gun being readied. It sounds like a shotgun and he only knows that from the movies. Guns have never really been his thing. He may be badass but he's not a complete and total idiot. The woman just starts to cry louder and then the gun goes off. The sound makes his ears ring and then there's silence again. He clenches his eyes shut tight, tries to remember how to breathe even though breathing isn't easy just then.

It's funny because after that time sort of goes really slowly. He knows that time isn't slowing down but that's how it feels. Time starts to go really slow and he can hear footsteps heading in his direction. They're slower in his head than they are. And he just sits there and he thinks about all of the things that have gone on in his life. It's such a fucking cliché and he knows it is, to think about your life when you're facing down a possible death. And that's what it is, a possible death. He has a chance to die.

He sits there and he thinks about his sister lying at home in bed waiting for him to come home; he thinks about his mother at work. He thinks about Beth, that beautiful little girl that he loves more than life itself and he had to give away. He thinks about the things in her life that he will never ever get to see and he thinks about the people he's hurt. He thinks about how he hurt Finn by being with his girlfriend, about the friendship that he ruined because he couldn't keep it in his pants.

He thinks about all of the different girls that he's had feelings for over the years. He thinks about Quinn and about how in his own way he loved her even though he ended up making her high school life a thousand times more difficult than it has to be. He thinks about Rachel and how despite what she may have thought he really truly cared about her. he thinks about Santana and how deep down he always knew that she preferred women but cared about her either way; about Lauren and how she broke up with him for her reputation; he thinks about Shelby and how he thought he loved her but in the end she just used him. Its funny how many things go through his head all at once.

The footsteps stop in front of him and he takes a long, slow breath. He's not really sure what to say or do or if he can say or do anything because he can hear the gun getting readied again. And then that sound goes off again. That sound that's almost like a firecracker. It's so loud that he feels like his eardrums might burst and he gets this feeling in his chest. It's like he just got hit with a sledgehammer and he can feel blood rushing out of his chest. The shot hits him in the shoulder and the pain? The pain is killing him and he knows that's a lame comparison given that his life is at stake.

It's almost funny to think how in just one second a person can do something that can end your life. And it would be funny if he hadn't just been shot and he wasn't bleeding. It would be funny if the chances of him dying weren't really big at the time. All he can feel at the time is the pain in his shoulder and the blood flowing down his chest. It's warm and thick and it surprises him that he can feel anything besides the pain.

He doesn't think its right that the human body is programmed to take in that much pain. People say that you go into shock after you experience enough pain but there's no shock to be found there. If he was going into shock then he wouldn't be feeling every single twinge of pain that he was feeling. But he was feeling everything. Each second felt like his body was on fire. Even the idea of breathing hurt. Why would God, if there even is a god, program people to experience that much pain and still live? Still be aware? It doesn't make any sense and it's not fair. You shouldn't be able to feel that much pain. He just wanted it to end.

It doesn't take him long to realize he shouldn't be still breathing but he ends up slumping down against the container. The only way he could possible live is if he were to pretend that he wasn't really alive anymore. If whoever that was happened to think he was still alive then he might just get shot again. So he tries his best not to let it known that he's actually alive. So he slows his breathing down as much as he can so that the rising and falling of his chest isn't very obvious and just lets his body slump down. That's all he can do. It's not like he can do anything else. He can't exactly fight back. Not against a gun. He's tough but he's just been shot and physical strength doesn't do anything against a gun.

For a few moments there's only silence. And then he feels another sharp pain and he recognizes it as a foot making contact with his stomach. The kick is hard and knocks the breath out of him. he has to try to keep himself from letting out a grunting sound but the kick hits him so hard he's pretty sure that not only is he going to have a huge bruise but he may have a broken rib or two. It's possible but he can't tell for sure. He's not an expert on broken bones. All he knows is that he's in pain and he has to keep on pretending that he's dead. If he doesn't then he really _will_ be dead. Not that he knows for sure he's going to make it out of there alive. He could very well die in that grocery store but his only chance is to _not_ get shot again.

Lying there he can hear the footsteps heading away from him and he can dimly hear the sound of another gunshot somewhere in the distance. He can't be sure if he's really hearing it or if it's his imagination getting the better of him. But whoever shot him is far enough away that he feels safe enough to open his eyes. The front of his white shirt is soaked with blood and he's pretty sure that if he was able to look around more he'd see blood on the floor but he's in too much pain to really think of moving. And his vision is turning sort of hazy and dark like he's going into a tunnel. His breathing becomes more painful.

His vision keeps on darkening and his eyes start to close. He thinks he hears something in the background that sounds almost like sirens but he can't be sure. It might just be his imagination playing tricks on him or wishful thinking. He just sits there as his mind starts to go blank and just wonders if he's going to be able to see his sister and his mother again. He wonders if he'll be able to see anyone again at all.

* * *

He sort of drifts in and out after that. He can't really say he knows what he's seeing or hearing. The sounds are muffled and garbled. Sometimes he thinks he can hear voices though he's not quite sure what they're saying. And he can see strange flashes of light, hazy brightness but he can't really make out anything in the process. He wishes he could though because he hates to feel like he doesn't know what's going on and that's what it is. He doesn't know what's going on. And he hates when he's fading in and out of consciousness because it just feels like he may or may not actually be there. It's a strange feeling.

By the time he finally comes back into the reality of the world he's blinded at first by bright white light as he opens his eyes. He clenches them shut again and realizes right away that he's feeling no pain whatsoever and he can only imagine that's because he's on painkillers which means that he's in the hospital. Which means he's not still in the grocery store. Or maybe it's that his body has become numb to the pain. He can't be sure. All he knows is that breathing should be really painful just then. Only it's not painful.

He starts to regain his senses and he can hear the faint sound of something, of machines beeping. And if there are machines beeping that means he must be in the hospital because there's no way that there's any beeping like that in the store. It's a steady sort of beeping though he's not quite sure what machine is making it. He opens his eyes again and the light is blinding as his eyes open again but as his eyes start to adjust he can clearly see that he's in a hospital room. He must be being pumped with morphine if he's not in any pain at the moment. Morphine is the only way he wouldn't be in that much pain.

Reaching up he grabs the neck of his hospital gown, his grip loose, his movement slow as he pulls the neck of the gown back from his body. There's a big bandage wrapped around his chest and he wonders for a moment what his chest looks like underneath it. He wonders how much damage the shot did, if the scar will be big. And he doesn't fool himself into thinking there won't be a scar. He just got _shot_ so of course there will be a scar. But he's unsure how big. And he's not sure yet if there really was a broken rib or not.

He's not sure how long he's awake before his mother comes in. her eyes are red and he knows she's been crying. He's not stupid enough not to think that. She moves like she wants to hug him but thinks better of it. Instead she puts her hands on his face and leans forward, presses a kiss to his forehead, cries about how she feels so horrible for sending him to the store, cries about how if she hadn't then he wouldn't have gotten shot and he wouldn't have ended up in the hospital like that.

When he talks his voice is scratchier than he thought it would be. He tells his mother that it's not really her fault. He doesn't blame her. He's sent her to the store about a million times before. Two million times before. And nothing had ever happened. How was she to know that he was going to be shot by going to the store that time? She's not psychic. She couldn't have known. No one could have known. But no matter how much he tells her that it's not her fault, that he doesn't blame her she insists that it's her fault.

He can't really stop her from blaming herself though no matter how hard he tries. And when his sister comes in she's crying and looking at him like she doesn't know what to say or do. Until he pats the bed next to him and tells her to climb on up. When she finally does he lets her rest herself against him, lets her rest against the side that he didn't get shot in and lets her rest her head against his chest. She lays there and she cries and he puts his arm around her even though it feels heavy. He figures that the least he can do is try to offer his little sister some comfort. She may be a pain in the ass most of the time but she's his little sister and he loves her all the same. He doesn't really say it very often but he _does_ love her.

When his friends start to come Quinn is the first to show up. She just sits there next to his bed and looks at him, looks like she's worried about him but doesn't know what to say or do. She just looks so sad and so worried about him that he feels sort of guilty which he knows is absolutely ridiculous since he didn't do anything wrong. It's not like he's turned around and decided to get shot or anything. Who would choose to be shot? No one sane.

Reaching out he put a hand on one of hers, squeezed down to try to comfort him a little bit. Not that he can do much to comfort her or anything of the sort. No one can really comfort anyone in that type of a situation. "I'm fine," he tells her. "Can't even feel the pain right now. I'll be just fine. Doctors say I just need to heal up. It will take time, that's all. Don't worry about me, Q. I'll be just fine." She doesn't really seem like she agrees with him, that she thinks he's going to be alright. But in the end she just nods and sort of forces a smile. What else can she do?

Rachel comes next and she looks like she doesn't know what to say either. He almost wants to make a joke about how only a fucking bullet could make Rachel Berry speechless but she has such haunted eyes that he can't bring himself to actually say anything to her about it. He just sort of gives her a half smile and motions for her to sit down. She mumbles something about how Finn wanted to stop by but he was busy so he'll try to stop by later and Puck has to stop himself from rolling his eyes. It's not that he hates Finn really but he doesn't really care if he shows up. That's not to be mean. He just isn't sure he wants the guy that seems to have everything showing up to his hospital room. He wouldn't kick him out but he doesn't expect him either.

Rachel brought him flowers which he should have expected. She's Rachel, after all. And Rachel is the sort of person that would bring flowers to someone who has just been shot and is in the hospital. He doesn't need the flowers and he doesn't really care about the flowers but he's not about to tell her that he doesn't want them. She came by to visit him and he doesn't want to seem rude. He has no reason to be rude to her. She's being a nice friend, that's all.

She tells him that she's so sorry that happened to him and goes into one of her long Rachel Berry type of speeches that he only half listens to but he can blame the pain for that. Or, well, not the pain but the morphine. He's sure that she'd understand if he said the morphine was making it hard to listen to her. but he doesn't tell her that because she's Rachel and she doesn't always end up being the type of person that is very understanding at first and he doesn't want to fight with her. He just lets her sit there and look all sad and say whatever she needs to say.

Sam comes next and then Finn. Mike and Tina come at the same time. Santana and Brittany show up at the same time, too. Santana is her usual sarcastic self but he knows somewhere deep inside of her that she really is concerned and actually cares about the fact that he got shot. She's very good at pretending not to care though. Most of the glee club shows up to talk to him, to visit him, to see him. He appreciates it but it doesn't do any good.

When he goes home it feels like he's going to a different world. It's his house but he feels like it isn't. That might pass in time. They suggest therapy when he's leaving the hospital but he scoffs at that, writes it off. He doesn't feel like he needs it but who knows? Time might actually prove that he does. He just isn't the type to admit it. And he knows his mother and sister know him better than that. No way can he actually admit he might need help.

When he tries to fall asleep in his own bed it feels like he can't actually sleep. He knows it's psychosomatic though. It's all about what happened to him. He keeps playing it in his head, he thinks about the sound of the gun going off in the store. He thinks about the way the blood had been seeping around the guy's chest when he leaned against the meat freezer. He thinks about the woman he tries to tell to be quiet and how she was shot. Because he knows that they're dead. He remembers the police telling him that he and one other person are the only people that survived.

The shooter? Yeah, the police ended up killing him in the end. He's not sure why that doesn't comfort him at all but it doesn't. He just gets this strange feeling like nothing is ever going to make things alright again. Instead he just lies in his bed and wonders how long the event will actually take to get out of his head, how long it will take for him to actually be able to get some sleep without hearing the footsteps and the sounds of the gun going off. He hopes that it won't take very long. He really could use a good night's sleep.

Closing his eyes he tries to will himself to go to sleep but the sound in his head? Well, the sounds of the gunshots in his head make sleep almost impossible.

Maybe life will go back to normal for him at some point- or as close to free as possible for a while. But normal? Well, normal will never happen for him. That scar on his shoulder? Well, that scar will stop life from ever going back to normal for him. And that? That's just something he has to live with.

It's not uncommon that his mother leaves him a list of stuff she needs him to pick up for her at the store. It's not easy for her to raise both of them on her own so a lot of the time chores fall on him. He doesn't really mind it but that's just because he's used to it by then. He takes care of his sister a lot, too. He will drop her off at school in the morning or pick her up. Even though he's not the most studious guy he'll help his sister with her homework. He'll make dinner- usually macaroni and cheese since that's what he's the best at making as he's not really a cook- and he goes to the store all the time for his mother when she's either going to be working late or she's doubling up on her shifts. He's used to it.

It's only about a week after graduation and his mother is working another double shift. She's left a grocery list on the refrigerator and he knows that means he has to go to the store. But his sister is home for the summer so he has to keep on taking care of her until he gets the chance to actually go to the store. He wouldn't normally leave his sister home alone but she's old enough that if she's sleeping he can leave her alone for a little bit when he runs to the store. That's all there really is to it. Sarah is old enough to be alone for an hour or so. And if she really needs him? Well, she knows his cellphone number so she can just call him. He doubts she would need him though. Why would she?

So, he spends the afternoon watching his sister. He makes her hotdogs- all beef because his mother is obsessive about keeping the house kosher and it's the only way that they can have hotdogs in the house. He lets her sit and watch one of her stupid movies- he doesn't even pay attention to which one it is because he really doesn't care- and then he makes sure she goes to bed. It's not until she's in bed that he actually thinks about going to the store. He shouldn't be gone for long. Sarah will be fine.

He grabs the list, folds it up and sticks it in his pocket. The ride to the grocery store isn't very long and with it being as late at night as it is there's not many people there. Half a dozen or so which is pretty cool because that means he should really be able to get out of there a lot quicker than he thought originally. So he just grabs a basket and he makes his way through the store putting things from the list into it, keeps checking to make sure that he doesn't miss anything. She's not really one of those people that is very accepting when he forgets things. She's not a horrible person but she just gets anxious when things go wrong.

He's in the back to get ice cream for his sister- she always expects ice cream when he goes to the store- when he feels something change in the store. He's not quite sure what it is. He just feels something changing in the air but he tries to ignore it. It's got to be one of those stupid feelings he should just let go of. It's Lima and bad things don't happen in Lima so that bad feeling has to be wondering if his sister is burning down the house while he's at the store. And instead of worrying he makes his way towards the produce section. His mother is a stickler about having fruits and vegetables in the house- not that he actually eats them much. His sister does sometimes though just to make their mother happy.

He's checking the list again to be sure he's going to get the right stuff when he hears something. It sounds like a truck backfiring or a firework going off indoors. It makes him freeze in his tracks, his hand gripping the basket tighter. At first after that sound there's nothing but silence, silence and nothing more. But once that silence is over there's screaming. Really loud screaming, panicked, high-pitched. He drops the basket just as that firecracker sound goes off again.

He's not sure what makes him look around the shelf at the back of the produce department but he does. It's sort of like instinct. He looks around the shelf and at the meat area. A guy is slumped down on the floor. His chest is a bloody mess, there's blood pooling around on the floor, splattered against the plastic guard on the freezer. From what Puck can see he's not breathing but he can understand that with the way his chest is a mess. He doubts someone can live with that type of an injury.

The sound goes off again and he ducks behind the shelves back into the produce department. He's not an idiot. He knows by then what the sound is. He'd have to be a complete moron not to know. So he just ducks down behind one of the produce containers, ducks down and presses his back against the container, tries to keep his breathing as calm as he can. And that's no small order with someone coming into the store and shooting people. And either that person has to be a complete and total psycho or he's robbing the place which, well, who the fuck robs a grocery store in the middle of the night? It's too stupid to even comprehend and he's pretty good with stupid.

On the other side of the produce department he can hear someone crying. It's the type of crying he knows is really not a man's cry. And yeah, he knows that men cry. Men can try when they have a reason to and this is a good reason. But he's not the crying type. He looks around the container and sees a woman there on the ground, her pack pressed against one of the containers. She's older than him, in her thirties maybe and she's shaking all over, her chest heaving. And he's trying to get her attention but she's not looking in his direction.

Reaching up he grabs an apple from one of the containers and he rolls it across the floor. It hits her leg and she sort of jumps, lets out a sort of choking sob, her head snapping in his direction. Lifting up one hand he presses a finger against her lips to try to tell her to be quiet. She has to be quiet. If she makes too much noise then whoever is shooting up the place is going to hear her. But it seems like that's not going to help because he hears footsteps heading in their direction.

He shifts behind the container again, presses his back more firmly against it. The woman starts sobbing louder and he can dimly hear the sound of the gun being readied. It sounds like a shotgun and he only knows that from the movies. Guns have never really been his thing. He may be badass but he's not a complete and total idiot. The woman just starts to cry louder and then the gun goes off. The sound makes his ears ring and then there's silence again. He clenches his eyes shut tight, tries to remember how to breathe even though breathing isn't easy just then.

It's funny because after that time sort of goes really slowly. He knows that time isn't slowing down but that's how it feels. Time starts to go really slow and he can hear footsteps heading in his direction. They're slower in his head than they are. And he just sits there and he thinks about all of the things that have gone on in his life. It's such a fucking cliché and he knows it is, to think about your life when you're facing down a possible death. And that's what it is, a possible death. He has a chance to die.

He sits there and he thinks about his sister lying at home in bed waiting for him to come home; he thinks about his mother at work. He thinks about Beth, that beautiful little girl that he loves more than life itself and he had to give away. He thinks about the things in her life that he will never ever get to see and he thinks about the people he's hurt. He thinks about how he hurt Finn by being with his girlfriend, about the friendship that he ruined because he couldn't keep it in his pants.

He thinks about all of the different girls that he's had feelings for over the years. He thinks about Quinn and about how in his own way he loved her even though he ended up making her high school life a thousand times more difficult than it has to be. He thinks about Rachel and how despite what she may have thought he really truly cared about her. he thinks about Santana and how deep down he always knew that she preferred women but cared about her either way; about Lauren and how she broke up with him for her reputation; he thinks about Shelby and how he thought he loved her but in the end she just used him. Its funny how many things go through his head all at once.

The footsteps stop in front of him and he takes a long, slow breath. He's not really sure what to say or do or if he can say or do anything because he can hear the gun getting readied again. And then that sound goes off again. That sound that's almost like a firecracker. It's so loud that he feels like his eardrums might burst and he gets this feeling in his chest. It's like he just got hit with a sledgehammer and he can feel blood rushing out of his chest. The shot hits him in the shoulder and the pain? The pain is killing him and he knows that's a lame comparison given that his life is at stake.

It's almost funny to think how in just one second a person can do something that can end your life. And it would be funny if he hadn't just been shot and he wasn't bleeding. It would be funny if the chances of him dying weren't really big at the time. All he can feel at the time is the pain in his shoulder and the blood flowing down his chest. It's warm and thick and it surprises him that he can feel anything besides the pain.

He doesn't think its right that the human body is programmed to take in that much pain. People say that you go into shock after you experience enough pain but there's no shock to be found there. If he was going into shock then he wouldn't be feeling every single twinge of pain that he was feeling. But he was feeling everything. Each second felt like his body was on fire. Even the idea of breathing hurt. Why would God, if there even is a god, program people to experience that much pain and still live? Still be aware? It doesn't make any sense and it's not fair. You shouldn't be able to feel that much pain. He just wanted it to end.

It doesn't take him long to realize he shouldn't be still breathing but he ends up slumping down against the container. The only way he could possible live is if he were to pretend that he wasn't really alive anymore. If whoever that was happened to think he was still alive then he might just get shot again. So he tries his best not to let it known that he's actually alive. So he slows his breathing down as much as he can so that the rising and falling of his chest isn't very obvious and just lets his body slump down. That's all he can do. It's not like he can do anything else. He can't exactly fight back. Not against a gun. He's tough but he's just been shot and physical strength doesn't do anything against a gun.

For a few moments there's only silence. And then he feels another sharp pain and he recognizes it as a foot making contact with his stomach. The kick is hard and knocks the breath out of him. he has to try to keep himself from letting out a grunting sound but the kick hits him so hard he's pretty sure that not only is he going to have a huge bruise but he may have a broken rib or two. It's possible but he can't tell for sure. He's not an expert on broken bones. All he knows is that he's in pain and he has to keep on pretending that he's dead. If he doesn't then he really _will_ be dead. Not that he knows for sure he's going to make it out of there alive. He could very well die in that grocery store but his only chance is to _not_ get shot again.

Lying there he can hear the footsteps heading away from him and he can dimly hear the sound of another gunshot somewhere in the distance. He can't be sure if he's really hearing it or if it's his imagination getting the better of him. But whoever shot him is far enough away that he feels safe enough to open his eyes. The front of his white shirt is soaked with blood and he's pretty sure that if he was able to look around more he'd see blood on the floor but he's in too much pain to really think of moving. And his vision is turning sort of hazy and dark like he's going into a tunnel. His breathing becomes more painful.

His vision keeps on darkening and his eyes start to close. He thinks he hears something in the background that sounds almost like sirens but he can't be sure. It might just be his imagination playing tricks on him or wishful thinking. He just sits there as his mind starts to go blank and just wonders if he's going to be able to see his sister and his mother again. He wonders if he'll be able to see anyone again at all.

* * *

He sort of drifts in and out after that. He can't really say he knows what he's seeing or hearing. The sounds are muffled and garbled. Sometimes he thinks he can hear voices though he's not quite sure what they're saying. And he can see strange flashes of light, hazy brightness but he can't really make out anything in the process. He wishes he could though because he hates to feel like he doesn't know what's going on and that's what it is. He doesn't know what's going on. And he hates when he's fading in and out of consciousness because it just feels like he may or may not actually be there. It's a strange feeling.

By the time he finally comes back into the reality of the world he's blinded at first by bright white light as he opens his eyes. He clenches them shut again and realizes right away that he's feeling no pain whatsoever and he can only imagine that's because he's on painkillers which means that he's in the hospital. Which means he's not still in the grocery store. Or maybe it's that his body has become numb to the pain. He can't be sure. All he knows is that breathing should be really painful just then. Only it's not painful.

He starts to regain his senses and he can hear the faint sound of something, of machines beeping. And if there are machines beeping that means he must be in the hospital because there's no way that there's any beeping like that in the store. It's a steady sort of beeping though he's not quite sure what machine is making it. He opens his eyes again and the light is blinding as his eyes open again but as his eyes start to adjust he can clearly see that he's in a hospital room. He must be being pumped with morphine if he's not in any pain at the moment. Morphine is the only way he wouldn't be in that much pain.

Reaching up he grabs the neck of his hospital gown, his grip loose, his movement slow as he pulls the neck of the gown back from his body. There's a big bandage wrapped around his chest and he wonders for a moment what his chest looks like underneath it. He wonders how much damage the shot did, if the scar will be big. And he doesn't fool himself into thinking there won't be a scar. He just got _shot_ so of course there will be a scar. But he's unsure how big. And he's not sure yet if there really was a broken rib or not.

He's not sure how long he's awake before his mother comes in. her eyes are red and he knows she's been crying. He's not stupid enough not to think that. She moves like she wants to hug him but thinks better of it. Instead she puts her hands on his face and leans forward, presses a kiss to his forehead, cries about how she feels so horrible for sending him to the store, cries about how if she hadn't then he wouldn't have gotten shot and he wouldn't have ended up in the hospital like that.

When he talks his voice is scratchier than he thought it would be. He tells his mother that it's not really her fault. He doesn't blame her. He's sent her to the store about a million times before. Two million times before. And nothing had ever happened. How was she to know that he was going to be shot by going to the store that time? She's not psychic. She couldn't have known. No one could have known. But no matter how much he tells her that it's not her fault, that he doesn't blame her she insists that it's her fault.

He can't really stop her from blaming herself though no matter how hard he tries. And when his sister comes in she's crying and looking at him like she doesn't know what to say or do. Until he pats the bed next to him and tells her to climb on up. When she finally does he lets her rest herself against him, lets her rest against the side that he didn't get shot in and lets her rest her head against his chest. She lays there and she cries and he puts his arm around her even though it feels heavy. He figures that the least he can do is try to offer his little sister some comfort. She may be a pain in the ass most of the time but she's his little sister and he loves her all the same. He doesn't really say it very often but he _does_ love her.

When his friends start to come Quinn is the first to show up. She just sits there next to his bed and looks at him, looks like she's worried about him but doesn't know what to say or do. She just looks so sad and so worried about him that he feels sort of guilty which he knows is absolutely ridiculous since he didn't do anything wrong. It's not like he's turned around and decided to get shot or anything. Who would choose to be shot? No one sane.

Reaching out he put a hand on one of hers, squeezed down to try to comfort him a little bit. Not that he can do much to comfort her or anything of the sort. No one can really comfort anyone in that type of a situation. "I'm fine," he tells her. "Can't even feel the pain right now. I'll be just fine. Doctors say I just need to heal up. It will take time, that's all. Don't worry about me, Q. I'll be just fine." She doesn't really seem like she agrees with him, that she thinks he's going to be alright. But in the end she just nods and sort of forces a smile. What else can she do?

Rachel comes next and she looks like she doesn't know what to say either. He almost wants to make a joke about how only a fucking bullet could make Rachel Berry speechless but she has such haunted eyes that he can't bring himself to actually say anything to her about it. He just sort of gives her a half smile and motions for her to sit down. She mumbles something about how Finn wanted to stop by but he was busy so he'll try to stop by later and Puck has to stop himself from rolling his eyes. It's not that he hates Finn really but he doesn't really care if he shows up. That's not to be mean. He just isn't sure he wants the guy that seems to have everything showing up to his hospital room. He wouldn't kick him out but he doesn't expect him either.

Rachel brought him flowers which he should have expected. She's Rachel, after all. And Rachel is the sort of person that would bring flowers to someone who has just been shot and is in the hospital. He doesn't need the flowers and he doesn't really care about the flowers but he's not about to tell her that he doesn't want them. She came by to visit him and he doesn't want to seem rude. He has no reason to be rude to her. She's being a nice friend, that's all.

She tells him that she's so sorry that happened to him and goes into one of her long Rachel Berry type of speeches that he only half listens to but he can blame the pain for that. Or, well, not the pain but the morphine. He's sure that she'd understand if he said the morphine was making it hard to listen to her. but he doesn't tell her that because she's Rachel and she doesn't always end up being the type of person that is very understanding at first and he doesn't want to fight with her. He just lets her sit there and look all sad and say whatever she needs to say.

Sam comes next and then Finn. Mike and Tina come at the same time. Santana and Brittany show up at the same time, too. Santana is her usual sarcastic self but he knows somewhere deep inside of her that she really is concerned and actually cares about the fact that he got shot. She's very good at pretending not to care though. Most of the glee club shows up to talk to him, to visit him, to see him. He appreciates it but it doesn't do any good.

When he goes home it feels like he's going to a different world. It's his house but he feels like it isn't. That might pass in time. They suggest therapy when he's leaving the hospital but he scoffs at that, writes it off. He doesn't feel like he needs it but who knows? Time might actually prove that he does. He just isn't the type to admit it. And he knows his mother and sister know him better than that. No way can he actually admit he might need help.

When he tries to fall asleep in his own bed it feels like he can't actually sleep. He knows it's psychosomatic though. It's all about what happened to him. He keeps playing it in his head, he thinks about the sound of the gun going off in the store. He thinks about the way the blood had been seeping around the guy's chest when he leaned against the meat freezer. He thinks about the woman he tries to tell to be quiet and how she was shot. Because he knows that they're dead. He remembers the police telling him that he and one other person are the only people that survived.

The shooter? Yeah, the police ended up killing him in the end. He's not sure why that doesn't comfort him at all but it doesn't. He just gets this strange feeling like nothing is ever going to make things alright again. Instead he just lies in his bed and wonders how long the event will actually take to get out of his head, how long it will take for him to actually be able to get some sleep without hearing the footsteps and the sounds of the gun going off. He hopes that it won't take very long. He really could use a good night's sleep.

Closing his eyes he tries to will himself to go to sleep but the sound in his head? Well, the sounds of the gunshots in his head make sleep almost impossible.

Maybe life will go back to normal for him at some point- or as close to free as possible for a while. But normal? Well, normal will never happen for him. That scar on his shoulder? Well, that scar will stop life from ever going back to normal for him. And that? That's just something he has to live with.


End file.
